If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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