my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
