she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I could fuck to npr.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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