That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
