As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
