Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
