Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize