Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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