I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Found your dick twin last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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