If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Randomize
