So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
