you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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