I'm gonna have a badass scar
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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