I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
