I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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