she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
