Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
