Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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