He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize