You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
