I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
