I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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