If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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