Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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