why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just cropdusted the office
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
