You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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