I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
