He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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