We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
