I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
