i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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