i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
