she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
