Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
