I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.