I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho