She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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