I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
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How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
