with your own penis?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.