i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found