Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

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  (908): Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles. (908): Fuck I'm high. http://tfl.nu/titc
  Replies (56) Good night (1870) Bad night (3539)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  omg every time its on

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  (203): have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj (1-203): omg every time its on http://tfl.nu/6fsg
  Replies (25) Good night (3216) Bad night (1185)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.

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  (774): i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD. http://tfl.nu/8lo9
  Replies (28) Good night (683) Bad night (5477)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.

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  (859): Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive. http://tfl.nu/9k83
  Replies (22) Good night (1112) Bad night (5618)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.

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  (513): Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet. http://tfl.nu/slw0
  Replies (9) Good night (3500) Bad night (1593)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?

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  (906): Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am? http://tfl.nu/ceer
  Replies (12) Good night (2857) Bad night (1371)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.

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  (404): He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump. http://tfl.nu/2ksd
  Replies (7) Good night (615) Bad night (2215)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.

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  (865): I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it. http://tfl.nu/3j3f
  Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (1510)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy

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  (989): I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy http://tfl.nu/as9c
  Replies (5) Good night (2557) Bad night (656)
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  (831): View more from California

  if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please

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  (831): if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please http://tfl.nu/sfv9
  Replies (11) Good night (1500) Bad night (700)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship

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  (815): Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship http://tfl.nu/8hbk
  Replies (4) Good night (799) Bad night (372)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.

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  (570): I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day. http://tfl.nu/mbwl
  Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (372)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.

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  (251): Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road. http://tfl.nu/x4ff
  Replies (3) Good night (721) Bad night (372)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  "I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"

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  (406): "I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad" http://tfl.nu/uel0
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (197)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.

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  (864): I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it. http://tfl.nu/yrj2
  Replies (0) Good night (345) Bad night (161)

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