Texts From Last Night

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  Well... I doubt that.

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  (859): I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them. (1-859): Well... I doubt that. http://tfl.nu/5uw1
  Replies (25) Good night (1371) Bad night (709)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.

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  (785): Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both. http://tfl.nu/00se
  Replies (11) Good night (994) Bad night (3760)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.

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  (803): life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin. http://tfl.nu/2cdm
  Replies (15) Good night (3122) Bad night (1238)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.

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  (813): It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow. http://tfl.nu/0mxe
  Replies (18) Good night (1705) Bad night (5328)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.

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  (541): Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in. http://tfl.nu/jhqc
  Replies (7) Good night (3873) Bad night (729)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.

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  (416): He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex. http://tfl.nu/exbo
  Replies (24) Good night (4180) Bad night (1000)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."

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  (216): Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect." http://tfl.nu/19ko
  Replies (9) Good night (3024) Bad night (837)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight

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  (516): I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight http://tfl.nu/tjyz
  Replies (0) Good night (980) Bad night (339)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.

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  (336): He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time. http://tfl.nu/dr9e
  Replies (8) Good night (1103) Bad night (431)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym

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  (781): Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym http://tfl.nu/lv47
  Replies (2) Good night (969) Bad night (394)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.

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  (931): So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating. http://tfl.nu/zfrb
  Replies (9) Good night (1345) Bad night (461)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator

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  (914): Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator http://tfl.nu/9f4r
  Replies (2) Good night (766) Bad night (272)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.

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  (850): If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral. http://tfl.nu/t6oc
  Replies (3) Good night (773) Bad night (318)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.

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  (734): My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know. http://tfl.nu/ov06
  Replies (1) Good night (466) Bad night (189)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY

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  (253): My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY http://tfl.nu/47h0
  Replies (3) Good night (233) Bad night (388)

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