I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner