We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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