i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
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