SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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