some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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