i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.