sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.