Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

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(661): I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry." http://tfl.nu/yxdf

Replies (18) Good night (1107) Bad night (4087)
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(650): View more from California

what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?

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(650): what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job? http://tfl.nu/25b2

Replies (19) Good night (2958) Bad night (737)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.

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(612): Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment. http://tfl.nu/63yr

Replies (11) Good night (3873) Bad night (643)
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(240): View more from Maryland

You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.

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(240): You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool. http://tfl.nu/7f4d

Replies (11) Good night (3859) Bad night (960)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

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(609): There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled http://tfl.nu/cbhx

Replies (8) Good night (5335) Bad night (1011)
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(619): View more from California

Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

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(619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8

Replies (14) Good night (6338) Bad night (1387)
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(334): View more from Alabama

I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol

(256): View more from Alabama

Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.

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(334): I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol (256): Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn. http://tfl.nu/f3y5

Replies (9) Good night (2503) Bad night (896)
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(917): View more from New York City

No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.

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(917): No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/gccc

Replies (3) Good night (1674) Bad night (839)
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(503): View more from Oregon

All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.

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(503): All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over. http://tfl.nu/hufa

Replies (21) Good night (2822) Bad night (1249)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.

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(580): That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/nlfm

Replies (4) Good night (1242) Bad night (694)
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(785): View more from Kansas

well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.

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(785): well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo. http://tfl.nu/3cg7

Replies (2) Good night (946) Bad night (718)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs

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(313): I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs http://tfl.nu/01r5

Replies (4) Good night (633) Bad night (1254)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS

(845): View more from New York

Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.

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(201): SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS (845): Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings. http://tfl.nu/tkia

Replies (8) Good night (1133) Bad night (517)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"

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(814): I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father" http://tfl.nu/jrcs

Replies (3) Good night (997) Bad night (416)
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(256): View more from Alabama

this hospital has no fireball

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(256): this hospital has no fireball http://tfl.nu/h1f7

Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (396)

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