I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.