Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Randomize
Follow @tfln