I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.