I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
