I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
