Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
