Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
