someone get that fucking seahorse.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
