mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize