her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
