Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
