i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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