I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
