I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?