Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.