Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
