I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.