before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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