On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.