i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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