I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
