..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
