Whatcha textin bout Willis?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
