Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
