I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We talked him into tasing himself.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
