he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
