i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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