addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
