need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
