Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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