remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
